Crafts, Crack Dip, & 5 Other Things Pinterest is Lying About

March 28, 2013

Sometimes Pinterest feels the need to straight lie to us about things. For instance, any recipe that is labeled "crack" tends to not taste as good as crack might. For me, crack has an addictive tendency that many a Pinterest recipe hasn't elicited. My most recent Pin-debacle came Tuesday after strolling the aisles of Wally World searching for an Easter basket and exactly 12 eggs to send to school with the little dude. 

In that instance I realized just how much I was failing at Whole 30, you can take away the dairy...but dear baby Jesus you can't remove the grains from me! But I'll save that story for later in the week. Point being, I scrolled Pinterest and came across a "healthy" cookie. Healthy it was, cookie it wasn't. 

Which brings me to::

Things my favorite website is flat lying about. 

#1. Yes those "cookies" above will help you with that chocolate fix and slightly soothe your conscious because of just how "not bad for you" they are...but they are far from cookies. To quote my father:

Dad - "What are those?"
My sister - "Cookies."
Dad - "What's all that gooey mess?"

They weren't good cookie gooey, they were banana baked in the oven for 15 minutes gooey. Will I make them again, probably so, a girl needs a cookie fix in times of need. Is Jeremy probably ecstatic that he wasn't around for this...highly so. 

#2 Cauliflower pizza crusts. I've tried it. I'd use it as a replacement if I had to and in some sort of a zombie apocalypse there was a whole wheat flour shortage. But does it taste good? No. Heck no. Stop trying to convince me it does by having yet another amazing picture taken of it. You can't even pick it up, isn't that a good 90% of the reason we all eat pizza? You don't have to do dishes when you eat out of a big cardboard box. Then again, I'll probably make it again. I have to learn a lesson hard to get it. 

#3 There is no use in pinning "workout inspiration" because that isn't your body. I can do every "sexy legs" workout on Pinterest...I'm not going to get that double-d chest the girl in the pin has. You are just hurting yourself by comparing yourself to someone else. My body is my body, it can't look like your body, or Jennifer Aniston's body for that matter. 

#4 If you are so much of an alcoholic that you have to jazz up your booze with food dye to get it on a cruise you either A) should attend an AA meeting, or B) stop being so cheap and just buy the booze on the cruise. 

#5 If it says crack, and isn't real crack, it probably doesn't taste that great. Crack dip. Crack pie. Crack bread. Trust me, from someone who has tried a ton of Pinterest recipes...and had to listen to her husband ask if I seriously liked what I was eating....the crack recipes aren't that good. 

**this was meant to be satire, if you can't take someone joking about the ridiculousness of Pinterst you should probably list yourself as #6.