Tuesday, July 07, 2009

10 lessons learned in the past month

So I think I have figured out a few things already. Not that they are totally right, but it is life.

1. There are magical trolls that live in your house once your married. For some strange reason those trolls feel the need to open cabinet doors and not shut them, they also leave plates out, don't understand how to put things in the dish washer, and leave socks and shoes everywhere.

2. The best way to keep someone from eating your snacks is to eat healthier snacks. No one of the face of the earth{or at least in my family} has ever eaten my hummus, so its a good go-to snack for making sure you have a snack. But at the same time the trolls have a taste for cheese and crackers, even whole wheat crackers...and the "troll" openly expresses his hate for whole wheat, but that hasn't stopped him from gorging int he middle of the night on my semi healthy snacks. Always better to go so healthy its repulsive, its the only way to repel trolls.

3. He didn't ask + you didn't tell = apparent secret, even when everyone else knows it. And going to Chip n' Dales and not telling cause he didn't ask = trouble. It will come back to haunt you one day while swimming at your side kicks house. Even if you thought the whole thing was a big joke you'll still get in trouble.
***They don't get naked like everyone thinks, its like a N'Sync concert but more grinding.

4. The only way to save your pretty little white towels you got at you bridal shower is to make a complete ban of male use of any pretty delicate item living in the house. Even 15 year old Kelly's Kids beach towels should be included in this because someone will have a nose bleed and think shoving your white towel up their nose is the only solution to the situation. This ban includes nearly all but dog bowls, recently the ban was lifted on the "nice" bathroom only because the other one had zero water pressure.

5. If you decided to take his side of the bed and only have one bedside table, he will take it with him. If you move it back he will fuss and move it to his new side again, but only when you aren't around to fuss about it. Don't move the bedside table again, just let him keep it it's not worth it.

6. A tall man and an antique iron bed don't go well together, he is longer than the bed and will always untuck the covers. Eventually you will get sick of making the bed. We are saving up for a king size bed, I think we should just get a mattress big enough to cover the floor.

7. Don't ever start something you don't want to do forever{so says Mom and Nanny}. Don't fix their plate at every meal, don't always get their drink, and don't always go with their flow. They won't starve, they will eventually learn to cook for themselves. You will be taken for granted if you always do everything{I learned this years ago}, if you do everything sometimes they will appreciate it more.

8. If they break their earphones they will take yours, and get mad when you take them back.

9. Don't make comments about the out-laws, it will get you nowhere.

and finally...
10. If they mow the grass so short it dies don't complain because you didn't have to mow it. If you complain it is likely you will have to mow it, and I don't mow grass, so I shut up, and for a few weeks lived with partially dead grass.

8 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Okay, sorry, left that previous comment and had to delete it because there was a typo...I hate it when that happens! I said that it seems that married life suits you and I love reading your blog because it always makes me laugh :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are right about the trolls.
    I have had them for years.
    They bear a strong resemblance
    to a human that lives here but
    he says he dosen't know em! Ha
    GOB

    ReplyDelete
  4. I thought #3 would catch up with you someday
    (it didn't take too long huh)
    pop

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'll say it again--- YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!! And a very quick learner! Some people are married 50 years and still don't get #9. (Sometimes, guilty!) I LOVE #4. And I LIVE BY #7! My MIL tried to guilt me to death over not fixing Larry's plate when we got married. Well, I'd known him for 10 years at that point and have NEVER seen a man with 2 working arms and legs STARVE. (He didn't expect me to fix it for him--- it was just her!) Plus, I was raised by one of Natchez' first feminists! LOL (Not that I AM one, I was just saying...)
    Anyway, I agree with Amanda-- you are TOO funny! I think you inherited your mom AND dad's sense of humor squared--- that can be used for good or evil, ya know?! =)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I too had one of those trolls...they are annoying little creatures. As for #3, yea sorry about that. But I do recall warning you that if he found out all hell would break loose. It was a very fun trip and possbily worth a fight haha! And lastly #7. LISTEN to your mom and nanny!!! They are correct. I got stuck doing all those things...its not fun!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm sorry you have to put up with some of these things, but I loved your humor behind this post! #5 cracks me up!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Then there are the trolls who leave female undergarments hanging in odd places, especially the shower curtain rod.

    And don't forget that Japanese, double-barreled slingshot that keeps appearing on the floor or hanging from the doorknob. The trolls get very angry if you use it to fire water balloons at the neighborhood kids.

    ReplyDelete

Blog Widget by LinkWithin