31 Days - Fear

On today's episode of "Emily isn't actually blogging everyday for 31 days" the topic is a fear you'd overcome if given the opportunity...

Umm...

I wouldn't have the fear if that was the deal.

I don't harp on things like death, losing jobs, house fires, none of that mumbo jumbo. It just doesn't come to mind. I can't control them.

What I do fear though are lizards, snakes, frogs, any amphibian basically. I also don't like chicken feet or animals with hooves.

I can control those.

Birds freak me out.

Not to the extent of running screaming, but I'm not touching your weird footed chicken.

I'd rather die than touch a lizard. Won't be overcoming that fear anytime soon, ever. That's my running and screaming fear... see also: snakes.

I can tolerate looking at a frog, but I'm not touching the frog.

Pigs and cows have weird feet. I'll touch your head but not your feet.

I MIGHT overcome my chicken feet and split hoof issue in the effort to have chickens and a pig one day.

I will not ever on my life overcome the lizard/snake problem and allow my child to own one. He's more than welcome to remove them from my house or out of my sight... but they won't take up residence in my home.

Ever.

So, yeah, that fear over coming thing was a bust.


31 Days - A Hard to Forgive Person

Oh gosh, today's topic is yet again something I don't talk about. Especially not on the blog.

In my life I have a hard to forgive person, we all do.

The how it's shaped you part is what has changed over the years.

I'm not even going to touch on who or what because I don't want anyone reading this and figuring out who they think it is.

I'll just say this...

I use to harbor a massive grudge about it.

I'd dread this person, panic attack like freak outs when I had to deal with the situation of any length of time.

For years it was a nightmare, and my own attitude about it was less than great.

I felt justified in my anger. No one should have to deal with that nonsense, right?

Looking back I think what caused me the most problems was my expectations. My expectations weren't met. They honestly weren't even high expectations, but they weren't met.

They haven't been met, and they will probably never be met.

So you could say the situation hasn't changed, just my outlook on it has. A lot of my attitude changing was based upon the fact that I finally felt supported.

Someone else say my misery and agreed that it was wrong. I finally had a partner in crime, so to speak, to get what upset me and understand my perficiment.

Best of all I was freed in the situation.

You see, for a long time I had to stay quiet. I had to just bottle the issue and move along, no matter how mad it made me. If you know me in real life then you'd know that's not how I roll. I have to say how I feel.

I'm from a family of saying how you feel about things.

When I could finally defend myself, it was okay to say something, I didn't have to feel bottled up... the need to actually act on the need to defend myself or call out injustice faded away.

So don't think my hard to forgive person has changed, or the situation has changed... it hasn't.

The only change was me, and something about the simple idea that I could defend myself resolved my anger and caused me to not even need to defend myself.


Church of the Small Things

I received a copy this book to as part of the Church of the Small Things launch team, I was not compensated monetarily to participate. All opinions are my own. 

Y'all this book was probably one of my favorites by Melanie Shankle, and I'd even go so far as to say my favorite out of this genre.

At a time of my life when I feel like I'm less than, not doing as good as others, waiting for something big... this was a great reminder of what really matters.

A reminder of what kids will actually remember and cherish.

The small things in life.


The parts of life that I often think don't matter, the moments my parents and grandparents probably felt the same way about.

I didn't care much about my mother graduating from college when I was in junior high, it was a big achievement, a big moment. It wasn't important though.

Instead I remember the year she got a big CD player in the kitchen, she would spend most nights cooking dinner and listening to Elton John or Rod Stewart. At the time I could have lived without hearing Wonderful Tonight yet again, but it's a memory I vividly have of her now.

My grandmother and I use to go window shopping on Saturday, we'd wander around and look at every outfit on the rack. We'd comment about how ugly they were. Laugh about everything that was around.

Although a favorite small thing moment was that my grandparents use to buy me a Dreamsicle snow cone with extra cream, and it's only special because my mother never would.

In Church of the Small Things, Melanie reminded me that the tiny moments that seemingly mean nothing are what my child will remember. He won't care that I wasn't some big shot, but he will lovingly remember gardening, singing, and random moments we will have over the years.

The biggest take away from the book, God is also in the small moments. He isn't waiting on Jeremy to finish seminary before he does anything in our lives, or uses us in someone else. I don't need to be a writer to effect someone. God is in the small things, the small moments. It's all about us being faithful to him.

"We are all climbing our own versions of Mount Everest and have no idea if our oxygen will last or if an avalanche will come, but God does. We can never underestimate the grace and the strength he will give us for whatever he is calling us to do and whatever challenges we'll face. What he has planned for us is higher and deeper than anything we could ever hope to achieve on our own. 

It's too much. It's too much for us to do in our own strength because we will mess it up, be he knows that and uses us anyway. It's never about creating or doing or being something that's perfect. It's not about having all the right answers. It's about being his. It's knowing that he who has called us if faithful."

If you didn't pre-order Church of the Small Things, head on over to the bookstore and grab a copy. Or even order it online. It has also been turned into a group bible study, and the promo video will basically make you sob while as you're thinking back on your own life. I honestly couldn't recommend this book enough, you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll get a great reminder that the small things in life matter.

Just as much a the big moments.

31 Days - That Awkward Topic This Month

Today's topic is a past love who had a significant impact on who you are today. Um, weird to talk about such thing, right?

But it happened, and it's true.

Old boyfriends can shape who you are.

I happened to have my first old boyfriend in high school and it lasted about six years. Yes, I dated someone for a long dang time and never married them. We talked about it, but we were kids, and in the end it didn't work out. We wanted different things.

It taught me a lot though, what I wanted in relationships, what I didn't.

It made me value myself.

It gave me a best friend who had the same likes and dislikes.

We worked out at the local gym like obsessed gym rats. I learned how to cook and had someone around who loved to eat it, we grilled all the time. I had a movie watching buddy. Someone to go to youth group with. Someone to vent to when girls where mean to me in high school.

A boyfriend at that age, at least a long term one, it was basically a partner in crime to help you survive the awful high school years. When everyone else hated you, you had your boyfriend to agree that the world sucked too.

In the end, I don't think I had some big love where I learned so much about myself. Instead I had a partner in crime as a teenager that allowed me to not feel alone in a block of years that many kids feel awfully alone.






31 Days - Friend Memory Small Town Antics

Yes, I know I skipped a few days. Luckily, the blog police aren't coming to get me and I can do that sort of thing.

Today's memory and pics don't go together, but they are the pics of my friends from that memory. Just not pics of that particular memory. Recently my friend Ryan sent a ton of photos and we spent hours reminiscing about old times.

Good stuff

Also, this is Monday's post and it's just going up early, again don't send the police after me.

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You know for certain you are from a small town when a fun filled Friday night when everyone is home from college involves telling your parents you're headed to "The Walmart."

Meaning the only one in town.


But it wasn't even in our town. We had to cross the bridge and go to Mississippi to go to Walmart.

Gabby and I did this quite often.

One particularly fun Friday night we wandered The Walmart like weirdos, purchased the flavored Cool Whip and then rode on over the the... again "The Dirt Cheap" and got into more trouble.

The fact that we were never stopped by cops sometimes baffles me.

Then again two 18 year old white girls carrying Cool Whip containers isn't something to be alarmed over.



Point being, we took Gabby's ultra cool car (we thought anything with a slight sports car look was amazing) blaring our gangsta rap, Cool Whip in hand, and took our party to the parking lot at Dirt Cheap. From there we located a lost buggie and took turns pushing each other up and down the slopes on the sidewalk and in the lot.

We squealed and laughed like idiots while eating Cool Whip. Had it not been for the Cool Whip someone would have thought we were drunk or worse yet, on drugs. Who has that much fun being pushed in a buggie?

Where the rest of our nutty crew were is something to be wondered about. But Gabby & I got into enough non-trouble-trouble to amuse any actual drunk or pot head. Because those are the only other people who would think being shoved around in a death buggie down a hill is fun.


31 Days - A Life Changing Event

I honestly don't know where to go with today's topic.

Having a baby was pretty life changing.

More so over the fact that I'm a hardcore needs-8-hours-to-function sleeper. That first year and a half was rough, super rough. So rough in fact that my dentist even commented on the coffee stains... and I use to not be a huge coffee drinker.


I was dying.

But I love the little thing.



He's made life around here much more fun, more loving, and shown both of us how hard headed our genes apparently are.

This 1n1/2 to 2 1/2 has been a blast, other than sleep being great, watching him learn new things is always exciting.



So biggest life change, more thank likely having that first baby of ours.