Food Network Star S13 Ep3 Recap - The Mountains of Detroit

This particular episode was underwhelming, but not because of the contestants, the topic was just awful. 

Team captains were chosen. 

Teammates were picked like a 5th grade wiffle ball game. 

And then... then... the dang theme was places and a 5 course meal. Like the forest was pasta and I still to this moment in time can't figure out what the heck the forest has to do with pasta. 

The theme was just awful. 


Ever more awful than the theme was the group of people they had tasting the food. 


No, no not the judges. 

The audience. I think they have been eating at McDonald's and go to Sonic to spice up their ice cream order. 

Don't get me wrong, both places rank high on small town restaurant status, but if you only eat ketchup on your burger you aren't going to like any remotely interesting dish a single contestant makes. 

In other news, my disdain for Trace has been taken to a new level. That's the Justin Bieber hair if you recall. Yeah, he blocked me on Twitter. I have to say I've given Cao a much harder time in the first episode and ole boozy Sandra Lee said he food looked like poo... so Trace man up. 

In Cao news I will say this, the way she was initially portrayed on the show the very first night wasn't great but the past two episodes have shown a different side to her. They made her look way too extreme in her views on Episode 1, by 3 she has softened up and has a good sense on humor on there. 

Plus I owe it to her to say what I've been thinking about her after this episode, no sense in thinking nice thoughts and keeping them to yourself. 

So aside from all that, let's break the episode down a tad...

1. In the one minute filming segment Suzanne clearly got sick of reshooting hers and at some point in the brain fog of trying to do what Cory was directing her to do. She said she was from the mountains in the middle east (I can't remember the exact location). I'm sure what she meant was that her parents were from there... but there were a few Mountains of Detroit tweets that had me rolling in the floor. 

2. Again I don't know how Trace is still present. Dish 1 - corn on the cob. Dish 2 - Sandra Lee said it looked like poo. Dish 3 - pasta with two kinds of oil on it that Bobby said was dry. He has a perfectly likable personality and plays well on a team... but his cooking on the show is sub par. I'm calling next week as his exit. 

This leads me to this particular topic... the judges complained that Cao's dish was bland. She had something that took quite some time to make and did it in an hour. Why is FN only giving these people an hour to make a dish. I've seen The Great British Baking Show give 3, they aren't going to get amazing food in that amount of time. Heck it takes me longer to cook a very basic Tuesday night dinner sometimes. Casseroles can take longer than an hour. (insert all the eye rolls) Who knows maybe Trace would be better with more time. 

3. Cory was put up against SAHM Amy (who they finally said is a food blogger this week, they've made her sound like some Easy Mac Mom  up until now) for the seafood dish and everyone clearly thought he was going to win that. She actually pulled out more orders than he did. 

4. In that whole orders deal... Cao said on Twitter than it was a casting call that lured the diners in. I get that for some shows, but if contestants are being judged on food, shouldn't you go out of your way to do more than land the entire cast of Vanderpump Rules for your food tasting. At least film this at the New York studio where people actually eat. 

5. I think David would put jerk seasoning on cereal. Just saying. I like lemon but I had to dial that back. 

6. Jason continues to have a massive Twitter following due to his personality and food, and I think he could make kitty litter cakes for the remainder of the season and Food Network would keep him on because of his personality. I wouldn't be shocked if he won simply based on personality. 

7. Why is Matthew still on? Why did he need a 3rd season? 

8. Did I say Suzanne got kicked off? She did. Girl could have used a pat of butter and Trace would have gone home. Dry Baklava. I don't know why. I don't know how. But she had dry Baklava. Maybe that's how it's made in the mountains of Detroit. 

And LAST but not least, Giada's dress was awful. Awful enough that Joan Rivers might come back from the grave to say how awful it was. There was Twitter talk that she was too thin, but she has always been insanely thin over her entire decade on the channel. 

While I'm at it let's take a poll, who all knows what Pho Soup is? Raise your hand.