Food Network Star S13 Ep 1 Recap - Ugh Blake

First off, yes I know it's Tuesday and this aired on Sunday... I had other posts that needed to go up. That doesn't mean I dislike Kao? Kale? Whatever her name is any less. 

Let's have some fun over the next 12ish week and chat about who we hated, who we love, and allegiance for no apparent reason. I promise I won't try to remember any one's name and will write solely from memory. 

And by the way I'll make sure I'm live tweeting every Sunday night at 8pm central to talk trash about people as the show progresses... we could say discuss the show... but Kale's bangs are giving me nightmares. 


So why am I interested this season and I've ignored it largely for a few years? Cory Bahr.



Jeremy and I worked for Cory Bahr back in our Monroe days. J actually started as part of the original wait staff at Restaurant Sage where Cory had his first gig as a head chef nearly 10 years ago. I started working there a year or so into it as a hostess (I totally prefer hostess to waiter) and had a great time over my year there working with our little slew of waiter buddies and eccentric kitchen staff.

I can tell you from one episode that Cory is clearly still the only "Monroe famous" Cory just from one episode, he has a certain Southern personality mix that entails jerk and smooth talker. The old ladies in Monroe that thought he hung the moon because he cooked so well was insane. I'll tell you first hand, from being someone who walked through his kitchen and have him shove a piece of raw unidentified fish in my mouth, that he's the real deal. The man can cook, anything he puts in front of the judges this season is amazing. I honestly don't know how many random things I ate while I was at Sage, but quite literally everything was amazing and Cory had me way out of my box with what I was willing to try.

He lives and breathes food.

So whether he gets fan favorite or not, trust me that he can cook.

Now the other people...

There are several people this season that no one will remember by name. The few that will be remembered easily are simply because they are so eccentric.

There's Kale? How on earth is her name spelled? She had an awful dye job and is trying to be a feminist on a plate. Gag.

Then there's Justin Bieber, whatever his real name is... he served corn on the cob. CORN ON THE COB to Bobby Fly. Has the guy not watched one single episode of Food Network in his life? He served a dang side dish. Underwhelming.

New Orleans girl with the hair... I don't like her attitude. She made Shrimp and Corn Bisque. Snor. Crab Boil in that, okay then.

Stay at Home Mom - she's ehh, I can't remember what she cooked, and on the FN website where they talked about their inspiration... she has none. Like literally none.

Granny, clearly the Paula Dean replacement, so says Twitter.

Kentucky weird guy in odd shirts, I recall the judges saying his dish was good. However, I think he's buttering up the accent in an attempt to land a show. The shirts. Nope. We already have to endure Guy, please don't be another Guy.

Martha Stewart Wannabe - I don't like how she looks on camera and she seems to be very uncomfortable. I get it though, I'd be freaking out on camera.

They also brought back some dude from past seasons... he's been on two previous FNS seasons... go home and give up. First thing unnamed dude did was run over New Orleans hair girl with a tray. I full on expected her to fall out in the floor acting a fool considering her personality, but she survived and stood in the fridge asking how her neck looked.

Literally the only people who appear to have ever cooked under pressure were Cory and Big Country Singer Cooking Dude. Although if you compare just how well they did under pressure, Cory was calmer. Both had their dishes come out well, but Cory did better in the kitchen.

That doesn't surprise me, watching him cook on the show was the same as standing in the window at the kitchen during a busy Saturday night and watching him cook there. Somehow he turns into a duck in the weeds and can push out great food and not look too overwhelmed while still rushing.

Beats me, but that's Cory.

The major complaint everyone had about him on the show and on Twitter was that in the introduction and (good grief what do you call it when you try out for something) he only talked about the food. Yes he should have talked about his background more, everyone knows he was raised by his grandparents and they are his inspiration. Heck if you follow him on social media he posts pics fishing with his elderly grandfather often. So yes, points off Cory for not saying who you are.

But, but but but, he described his dish better than the rest. And that description, it was exactly what he does with his wait staff every night. I can't tell you how many times I heard a very similar description of a special for night as we were huddled near the kitchen gorging on whatever amazing-ness he came up with that day.

So I'm cutting slack on that one.

Plus Bobby Flay said he knew who Cory was outside of the competition, um career made dude. Drop the mic.

Oh and before I depart from this lovely conversation let me say this... Blake (who has a skull and crossbones over his face) was cut because he A) told the judges he didn't get all the items on his plate and B) that fool tried to make tortillas out of plantain on television citing "healthy" (lest we forget about macros on a dang plantain) and was quickly kicked out because everyone's tastebuds were already tainted by the extreme use of cream and butter in this particularly Southern heavy cast/episode.

Who all watched and what did you think?