Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Oh, Moo Bear!

To make myself remember the happy parts of being married with two crazy weenie dogs here is a "Best of Maddie" compilation. Then again, as part of Ellie coping she is refusing to let me have a moment of peace to blog...she wants on the couch but is too old to jump up so she is having a full on hissy fit at me as I type. 

Lesson in Child Raising from the Aunt - also known as the time Maddie was walked by a 2 year old in a stroller while Ellie refused to walk and rode in the basket which ultimately ment I was pulling the stroller out of random places. 
Let's talk about the fact that she had to be tucked in at night. 
 Took over the tummy time mat when Joshua was born. 
 Hated my guts that summer I made them swim with me in a kiddie pool, several times. 
 She was such a greedy toy horder. Look at that face while she watches Ellie suck on the monkey, and yes Ellie sucks on things like they are a pacifier. 
 Or how about that unhealthy obsession with fruit? Ellie didn't understand the thrill of apples. 
 Even better was that she really enjoyed a good tv show, this particular instance Jeremy was entertaining her with the fish bowl screen saver
 Maddie also had an unhealthy hate for snow. Here you see her in her natural Monroe winter habitat killing every miniature snowman I built. 
 Aside from her allegiance to Jeremy, she loved listening to him play music. Ellie was annoyed with the noise like I was, but Maddie had to lay down in front of the speaker every time he played. 
 Then there was that time we both worked in a restaurant and Jeremy left his button down hanging on the back of a chair in the dining room. We came back to my townhouse really late to find this creature not moving and obviously regretting her decision to crawl into a sleeve. Maddie was a curious little thing, who regretted shirt sleeves often. 
 Once we came home from church and Jeremy and the dogs were playing in the floor. Next thing you know I notice Jeremy is asleep and Maddie walks up and does this mess. I couldn't stop laughing. 
 You know you have a problem when you fall asleep begging for food. 
 Back to the fruit obsession, this event caused a slight dog war.
 One Christmas I wanted the cinnamon pine cones, so did Maddie. Notice her face...she knew what she did.
 My favorite time, and Jeremy's least favorite time, was when she was a rotten lazy puppy who ate us out of house and home. 
 This is the day after we got her. That toy, yeah...it's Ellie's. She destroyed it within a week. This puppy who couldn't go outside without crying because she got tired trying to keep up with Ellie could tear through drywall like a wrecking ball. 
 Here is my picture pride and joy. 7 years of weenie dog and 5 of them together and this is the best picture I ever got of them. It is also the first I ever edited in Photoshop and I was pretty proud of myself. It was also the day before Ellie got her first hair cut...it was horrible.
There was that summer Maddie ate the backyard. Seriously she didn't dig up the dirt...she ate the backyard. Lot of baths people. 
 Joshua and Maddie competed for Laura's attention there for awhile. Ellie never comptes, she just simply believes she is the center of attention so therefore she is. 
 I once thought we had a squirrel in the house. Turns out it was Maddie collecting pecans in my couch. 
 Like I've said before, she loves yoga. 
Here is one of the better pics of Moo Bear when she turned 2. She has such a long snout.
She was such a sweet girl. Maddie would lick anyone half to death, affectionate was an understatement. Much like a little kid, if Jeremy and I were anywhere near each other we had to be touching her too. I still remember when Nanny died, Maddie crawled into my lap as I sat in the floor falling apart and just stared at me like she was trying to help. She did that though, if ever we looked sad she would immediately jump in your lap, snuggle in, and lick your arm. Out of the two girls, she had the most compassion. Ellie is the dog that we are supposed to love on, Maddie was the dog that thought she was supposed to love on us. It is hard to come home and not immediately be attached by that crazy ball of happiness. She was so quirky, one of my favorite things she did was when we were in bed and paying her no attention what so ever. Jeremy always leaves his socks balled up on the floor, she would always grab them and start tossing them in the air. Just imagine with me laying in bed talking, or watching tv, and seeing socks start flying (high might I add) into the air around the bed. Maddie let you know when she wasn't happy with the situation. She wasn't vocal at all like Ellie is, I tried relentlessly to teach her speak for 5 years and she never got the concept. She didn't whine, but she would walk up to you and start this odd grumbling sound. When she was excited her ears were flipped back, mainly because she ran like she was elated all the time. 

I so wish I could grieve this as a dog dying of old age, sickness, or at least something we were at fault for. The hard part is that it isn't out fault at all. I tend to beat myself up these past 4 days with the what ifs. What if they had called us? Had they called my Dad would have been there a day early and found her when people on the street were still seeing her alive. What if they had told the people that got involved too late, but still tried to help us so much...hours earlier during daylight? I have a lot of anger about this situation and I am praying God gives me grace in how to handle it. It is going to be hard to go back to regular life on Gloria St. I really don't want to even live at this apartment anymore, I want a house with a backyard like in Monroe. I have been sick to my stomach over this who thing. Immaturity of several people, that I don't even know the full list of, killed my dog. My family is very upset, and so is Jeremy's. His sister actually contacted me about it, we have never been close, but I feel like after this disaster we will be. It is just hard to cope when the hurt for how things went down goes so deep into my soul. I don't treat my dogs like they are dogs, I love my dogs like they are my babies. I love them more than most people. They aren't dogs to us. Had it just been that Maddie died it would be different, I can grieve that loss. I knew it would come to me one day when we adopted her. But the way she died is what is so painful. For people that want to tell me, "Oh, it is just a dog." No, God sees the sparrow fall from the sky. Every time someone speaks those words to me my blood boils just a little more. 

Pray that we can cope with this. Pray that God will guide me in how to handle it. Jeremy seems to be doing much better than me in that area, but I think he keeps it together just slightly better because someone has to. 
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