Looks Are Deceiving, Go Clean Co., & Attempting to Figure out What Day It Is

April 18, 2020

In an attempt to finally bake some bread, I slowly realized that I murdered my started. 

Not a full on death to the starter situation. 

It foams. 

It just makes really - dense - bread. 

I thought those pretzels turned out okay, they were dense, but they're also pretzels and I've never made them before. 

But then I made a loaf I've made many a time. 

It never rose. 

It baked into what could be described as a slightly airy brick. 

Looks like I'll be actively feeding that sucker until it comes back to life. 

A friend posted about the Go Clean Co account on Instagram. I'm hooked. 

Like I clean. Things look clean. But I didn't know what I didn't know and now I know and everything in my life has completely changed. 

Not really. 

But my cleaning game just got A) easier B) ya don't need all them crazy products and C) holy grail cleaning stuff people. 

I'm tempted (TEMPTED) to get after our washer. But that washer was purchased the year after we were married. 

It's 10. 

It's never been cleaned because I didn't know I needed to do what she told me I need to do. 

It's also a throwback top loader that isn't hip by any means. There is no detergent loading tray. I'm sure there's a hose filter situation... somewhere. Heck if I know where. 

I'm having to ask myself "Am I about to clean a granny washer that might not make it that much longer anyway?" 

Then I answer myself (because we are in a quarantine people) "Yes, clean that nasty granny washer and while you're at it, buy the stuff to strip your laundry, you live in a nasty house of boys." 

I also had a bright idea this week. 

Meant entirely in the actual bright idea sense as well as the ironic sense. 

I shaving creamed the coffee table so Harry could practice his letters. 

This had a few layers. Number 1 - I could workout with minimal complaints. Number 2 - He would practice his letters that he dearly hates. Number 3 - making a mess (that also cleans the counter) is fun and it is motor skill practice. 

What I didn't anticipate halfway through my Pure Barre class was looking back to see someone with one foot on the table smearing it around, covered in shaving cream, the floor and couch covered in shaving cream. 

But he was having the time of his life and I managed to get a workout in. 

We will also check this off the list as "cleaning". 

Let's be honest... am I still here? 

I don't know. What day is it? What time is it? Why are there children here? Oh yeah, that's right, I had children. Does anyone want them? Is it possible to eat cake daily and not gain weight? No? Ice cream? Also no? Whatever. I quit. 

I was begging for a quarantine folks, since at least November, heck August, and had no idea it could actually happen. I just needed a sabbatical. But I needed one that involved infinite cash flow, activities, a nanny, travel, maybe a European vacation. 

This isn't the quarantine I signed up for. 

But dad-gum answered prayers are a funny thing (just kidding, don't come at me with pitch forks). 

I'll be back Monday, if I realize that Monday is actually Monday at some point on Monday.