Food Network Star S13 Ep5 Recap - Huh What?

July 3, 2017

Last night might have been the most underwhelming of underwhelming episodes ever produced. 

I'm not even entirely sure what just happened. 

For starters they did partner challenges instead of group work. 

Thank you Food Network, we all appreciated that. 

The downer was that the first challenge was over before the first commercial break. It was one of those where you were left wondering what just happened. 

The cliff hanger was that Jason and David over talked during their Insta-Story segment. Now had that not said too much there would have been complaints about that too. Danged if you do or don't on FN every single time. 

Within that challenge was another round of huh when contestants were handed different amounts of cash and varying reasons to shop on a budget at Wal-Mart. 

It was quickly noted that this was filmed at a newly built Wal-Mart that recently stocked their produce section. No contestants complained that the bag of spinach they purchased 10 minutes ago had wilted by the time they got home. 

True story. 

Cory and Rusty had what I thought was the easiest of options during that challenge, new parents date night. You could cook anything that fit that price range. Again, I didn't like Jason & Davids... a dinner party for 6 with 47 dollars... what the mess FN? Upscale dinner for 47 and they had to buy their own spices. 

I'm sorry but if someone cooks they already own garlic and herbs. 

Cao & Amy had a family of too many children that they had to cook dinner for. Uh, limited. If it wasn't a family meal they would have been shamed for that. 

In the end Bratty Matty & Mini Martha won and I can't even remember what they made. I just know Twitter said he is good at Instagram so he had it in the bag. 

Also if you haven't noticed from the image above, I gave in and added his pic. Against my will. 

For the second challenge they had the same partners but Sunny made an appearance and had them cook based on segments from her show that I quit watching roughly 7 years ago. Didn't know she was still around honestly. 

Contestants had to watch her pull the cover off of something saying what they would cook. 

Matthew & Martha got leftovers that he didn't use. Some how he escaped certain death and elimination because he is the returning 3 season villain of Food Network. 

I stand by my Twitter statement that he could cook Amy's largely disliked on Twitter children and still maintain his status as not being kicked off. Amy did inform me that they are rather lean, but not because she doesn't feed them, and would not be edible. 

I told her Matthew could still win on badly cooked children. He's that disliked. 

TV villain immunity. 

Speaking of which... Amy & Cao had tacos. There theme had to do with flavor bombs. Both of their dishes seemed good, but they both flubbed on the "live" segment. Cao made the mistake of talking before cooking and then started cooking and had nothing to say and froze. Amy couldn't work the food processor. 

It was a painful train wreck to watch. One of those talking to the TV yelling "Noooo!" train wrecks. 

Cory & Rusty were handed a tube of crescent rolls and told to get on with life. This was done as utter sabotage simply because Cory hasn't had a single cooking error and they wanted to low rank him this week. They also know that he has never seen tube dough and basically looked like aliens had landed and asked him to make their native dish. 

Again, as soon as he said it was like pie dough I started yelling "Noooo!"

Then he put tomatoes on top of it... I could already hear Paul Hollywood saying he'd have a soggy bottom. 

The yelling of the word "NO" continued straight through the commercial segment as I watched a tomato tart plument to certain death. 

My assumption after the dough debacle was that they decided Jason had never used only one pot and gave him a Le Creuset. 

I sensed FN's thought process was something like... "Ya know, Cory looks like he's never bought tube biscuits and likely won't read the instructions on the back. He cooks from scratch far too often and isn't use to directions on food. Now Jason, we've really been getting complaints from the interns about the amount of dishes they have to wash of his after each challenge... let's limit the man to one. It'll save time on clean up later." 

Somewhere after that I blanked out because I ran out of Kefir and realized that was the last of what was in the fridge...

Then Cao got sent home.

It was all oddly odd. However, coming off of the attempted teammate assassination last week nothing was really going to top that.

Speaking of which... why was David paired with Jason again? Are y'all trying to actually kill him?