Back to the Reality That is Pumping

July 24, 2015

After this week I can't even pretend to muster up some frilly 5 on Friday post.

It's been rough.

A baby that has cried through naps. The realization that work starts in a week. Teething. Discussing finances after the lovely AC debacle.

Trying to pump and give a bottle to a baby that hasn't had one in two months because I naively thought he could just hop back on after doing so well in May.

So turns out not pumping for two months and not giving a baby a bottle isn't a good thing when you have no choice but to go back to work.

At the end of May I swore off the pump for the entire summer, cleaned it one last time (happily), and put it at the top of the closet to forget about how much I hate it for just two months.

To recap why I hate that pump so much, my body has no issue creating an oversupply. Pumping, even dropping my pumping time every day, made my supply high and my initial letdown so forceful that it would choke the baby.

But when I'm not pumping I don't have that problem.

So selfishly, if you can even peg it at that, I quit pumping for just two months. Not even really two months because it was really only a month and two weeks. Maybe 3, the end of May is vague.

In that time I went from needing about 3 1/2 oz per feed and getting nearly 7 and having a baby who happily took a bottle to trying to pump this week and getting maybe a tablespoon for two pumps and then finally 3oz when I pumped in the morning.

The only reason it even crossed my mind to break the devilish pump back out was that a teacher friend asked if I had started back at dinner Monday night.

Umm, nope, I hadn't started back.

Somewhere in my naive mind I was just going to show up at work on Monday and get the amount of milk I needed pumping, and dare I say it, have a baby who took the bottle at the sitter.

Yeah, that isn't happening.

When actually went down was panic pumping for two days and getting nothing since I was pumping 1) after I worked out and 2) at the 5pm feed. Neither of which lend themselves to high yield milking.

I also casually thought I could pick up new tubing for my pump at the grocery store, because that would make sense.

Umm, no to that one too.

Panic ordering during a 3am feed (because we are sleep regressing for the sake of making me insane) from Amazon and not being able to get the tubing until two days before work starts back is what ended up happening!

That led me to trying to pump again this morning, when my supply is at its highest. The hitch being that Jeremy isn't home.

Yes, you heard that right, naive Emily thought she could give that breastfed baby a bottle, sitting right next to the actual source.

Kind of like eating out at your favorite restaurant but being on Whole30 and just having to watch.

I feel ya kid, totally feel ya.

After what seemed like an hour, but was probably more, of giving the baby milk with a medicine dropper... shoving the paci in while there was milk in his mouth to make him think that maybe he could suck... giving in an nursing for 2 minutes... replacing the boob with the bottle... turning on the sound machine and the lights off... he finally started to suck on the bottle.

Not in a "I'm actually going to eat this everyday way," no it was more of a "why are you doing this to me" and thrashing around kind of way.

At least he showed me he would suck on the bottle for a hot second. So now ole Daddy Jeremy can be the milk giver once a day when he's home and we will cross our fingers and pray he gets this down pat in 1, literally 1, week before I go back to work.

Because it's apparently selfish to not want to pump and pretend you can stay home over the summer.

When in reality forgetting about reality doesn't make reality go away.