Tales from a Teacher

November 7, 2013

Oh hi! Have a seat in the back.

Oh crap where's my PowerPoint? Seriously? Why didn't I download it sooner? 

Okay everyone, take out yesterday's handouts... or at least pretend you have them... and grab a thesaurus.

Not long after two observers... 2 observers, one from the state mind you, came waltzing into my crammed freezing cold classroom chock full of students who were mid argument over some drama that happened in P.E ... another one came in too.

Then I got word that more observers were down the hall.

And this one kid is sitting in the front of my class hitting his pencil as hard as he could into the top of an at least 25 year old faux wood top, with his jacket over his head. But not in the I'm sleeping fashion... more of the Michael Jackson's Blanket drama in France jacket placement. 

While my run of the mill temper tantrum is taking place front-and-center, from a kid who preformed amazingly the day before, I sneak over during a timed "sharing with your partner" part of the lesson and through gritted teeth give him the biggest teacher death threat I'm legally aloud to whisper.

It basically went somewhere along the lines of "You'll have more conduct marks than you can count if you don't get it together right now. Don't you see that woman back there?!"

Let's back track to how this roller-coaster really took off...

Remember how I mentioned I had a hoard of grumpy short people nearly stabbing, poking, slapping, tripping, and tattling their way into my door after their P.E. time that apparently resembled some Jerry Springer debacle?

Well after that they have another "planning period" where I can sit in the back and make Power Points in "peace" while another teacher teaches them things they aren't listening to.

I also like to dub this time "Can you sharpen my pencil, but I didn't bring one so I need one of yours" time. 

After I was left alone long enough to take roll I did, apparently out loud and no one was listening... which made me look crazy and caused the interventionist to ask if I was talking to anyone.

Nope just little ole me, taking roll in the back. Later on I learned by taking roll without my glasses on is never a good idea.

Towards the end of the morning bickering event I quickly darted out of the room to get a potty break... because teachers are supposed to hold their bladder like camels hold water.

Well, I attempted to dart.

Dart I did not.

I walked outside of my already opened door to find -  the kid who would later reenact the Michael Jackson blanket episode.

Just standing there.

Without permission.

Outside the room.

Where he shouldn't be.

After talking him off the proverbial cliff that is the wall outside my room (where the angry ones always seem to stand hitting the concrete brick wall like they can win) I found out he was mad because a girl slapped his neck in P.E.

Yeah, the girl in the back of the room who might as well be on Pluto. Who's sitting next to the boy who's sitting under his desk, whom no matter what I say or do still seems to dwell under his desk.

But I digress...

Back to the main lesson and it's never ending stream of issues. 

The observers finally left. With no remarks of good or bad, one smiling, the other not. 

Finally able to breathe, and to finally realize I'd taught an entire lesson in the dark (from having the light off earlier so the kids could see the bell ringer on the SmartBoard better), I'd survived yet another episode of the crazies. 

Looking around the room of sheer nutty actions I came to realize something. I was living every single Way-Side School book I've ever read to a class of kids. I was however, just a possessed stuffed half dead teddy bear with one bunny ear and claws with a macabre look short of the Zombiekins book. 

This is my life people. 

Every crazy hilarious ounce of it. There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't stop and wonder how the mess a Psychology Major managed to get sucked into an Education Master's program and lives to blog the tale.