10 things I would do if I won Mega Millions

Everyone in this poor state of Louisiana is always secretly asking themselves, "What would I do if I won the Lottery?" Truth be told, no two people would do the same thing.

To preface this, I haven't bought a Lottery ticket since I turned 21. Yes, on my 21st birthday I bought a handful of scratch offs and lottery tickets and won nothing. I always won something when Nanny would buy them for me. The year of the 21 year old Emily also involved 2 more casinos which ended sadly in me putting a $20 in a machine and coming up with nothing. I did however get a free meal for being there for the first time. This my friends is why I am not a gambler. I like my money in my pocket where some machine with confusing instructions won't flash a pretty light to distract me while it robs me blind.

If Capital One starts flashing lights and pumping oxygen I will run for the hills.

Knowing deep in our hearts we would never win I decided to jump on my parents bandwagon and get a Mega Millions ticket. I mean heck, one dollar could change everything. EVERYTHING!

Our conversation when something like this:

Mom: You Dad said if we won Laura would never get out of bed again.
Me: Very true.
Mom: I told him if you won we would never see you again, you would be off traveling the world.
Me: Very true, I'd go to a different country every month. If I win I will pay off all our student loan debt, the cars, and what is left on your kitchen renovation. Then I would travel forever.  Of course, I would take y'all with me. Imagine the look on our church's faces when they saw that tithe in the offering plate. We could seriously tithe that and not even notice the money was gone.
Mom: Ha ha. [yeah I can't totally remember what she said here haha]

With that being said here is what I would do, in no particular order.

[1] Pay off cars and student loan debt for Jeremy and I and my parents. Let's face it they paid a lot for our wedding and my college stuff.
[2] Put money aside for a house for when Jeremy is done with school.
[3] Put money aside for our imaginary kids to go to college and Joshua.
[4] Go to culinary school - legit culinary school, like in France. None of this NSU business. Sorry it's true.
[5] Travel travel travel
[6] tithe it, our little church would die if they saw that money come in. Imagine what they could do.
[7] At this point I would probably move to England. I've wanted to for years and now money wouldn't be in the way.
[8] Buy a new bed, this one is broken. Jeremy rigged it.
[9] Invest a huge chunk for retirement
[10] Pimp out my classroom with things I could take with me when we moved after Jeremy is done with school. SmartBoard please! My kids would be rolling in wireless internet and iPads. Poor things would be bored to tears at recess and only wish they were still in class.