Friendships as a Transplant

November 17, 2016

Something that's changed about this blog over the past 4 years has been my level of transparency.

If you're a long time reader you probably noticed, I don't post really personal things anymore. There's good reason for it too, in real life people started thinking I was writing about or at them. I wasn't, but having a real person walk up to you and start talking as though you left off in a conversation... when you didn't is a bit uncomfortable.

I specifically writing out my New Year's Resolutions one year and having someone comment that if that was something I needed to change then they must really need to change it. It wasn't. The fact that I said it about myself, for myself, bothered someone.

So to resist conflict I quit writing about anything personal.

That has caused a bit of an issue for me over the past few years though, you see, I started writing online ages ago as if it were a journal. Not for everyone else, just for me. Which leads to me the present day when I wander around with blog posts in my head that never leave... which leave me stewing over them for weeks. Blogging was a type of therapy.

So with that said, what I'm writing today and the direction I want to turn back towards is just for me. Because I like journaling on here, and it keeps my mind clear.

What topic has been bugging me you ask? Friendships.

I know this is a touchy subject for many, so don't take offense. I mean none.

I've just been struggling with this season of friendships. They aren't as close, there isn't as much time for them, and it makes me feel disconnected.

I've often wondered if my friendship struggles are because of where we live, is it just harder to make really close friends here or is it this stage of life? The thing about where we live is that many people have always lived here, their families are close. It's just how Cajuns work, they stick together. Once your in with a group of Cajuns though, you're always in. They're a very loyal people.

So I can't decide if my lack of people sitting on my couch is because of me, this stage of life, or where I live. Let's start with the latter.

People here have their own extended families, they aren't necessarily looking for "friend families." They don't need friends to do every single thing with like the transplants do. Those of us with zero family around tend to eat dinner alone, go to the zoo alone, and do just about every activity as a family alone.

Or is it the stage of life and not the friend family situation, because before having babies we did a lot more. Are babies and schedules keeping us from sitting on the couch into the wee hours of the night laughing at ridiculous YouTube videos? How do you remedy that? Or have you older mom's just waited until life got easier.

I know a lot of people would suggest a baby sitter, but those cost money and I'm not one for using up my free sitters on what isn't a legit date night.

Now for the last one, could it just be me. Am I too abrasive and out there? Or is this all in my head and I really have more people I could really chat with and text than I think? Is it just normal to hit an age and have maybe one really good friend and then you've just got your mother and sister?

The toughest part of the friend game is this, we had really great friends where we lived before. The kind that called you out on your crap and encouraged each other to grow spiritually. I'll be honest I thought John Piper was some pastor from the Reformation before I sat through a dozen conversations about him. But at the same time, none of us had children yet.

So say in a hypothetical world we moved back... would it be the same?

I'm really only writing this because I know other people have felt and feel this way. It's got to just be a stage, at least I keep telling myself that.

Or maybe it's just that while parenthood is amazing and fulfilling it causes other life areas to suffer. Or just neglected.

Possibly I just need to live closer to my sister.